Another email from my Canadian mum

For those of you who have been following my previous correspondences, I’ve been receiving wrongly redirected email intended for a Canadian Ryan Minster for a little while now. Every now and then I receive one which I just can’t help but reply to. Here’s the latest one:

Hi, I had quoted you $1080usd for this package. It was for a golf package for 1, including accommodation, 3 rounds of golf and breakfast. The second person was for breakfast only.

Doral are now saying they cannot do the second breakfast and Amanda will have to pay locally. Ryan’s breakfast is included. I have got them to reduce the price to $900, so the additional $180 will more than cover three breakfasts for Amanda.

Tee times can be booked 90 days out so end of September I will book those. I have taken full payment.


And here’s what Ronda got:

Hello again Ronda,

Wow, I’m flabbergasted by your ongoing generosity!  I’d love to accompany you on your golfing holiday in December and I look forward to this with much anticipation.  I must warn you however that I am no Tiger Woods.  While that may come as a relief to your womanhood, I should probably also add that I’m not much good at golf either.  I play at a rather large handicap, that being that I am the one hitting the ball.  I confess that in frustration there have been times that I have resorted to kicking the golf ball, but on a good note when I do reach the end of my tether and kick the ball, it usually goes further than when I hit it with a club.  I once broke 30 on the back nine of my local course though in honesty I did throw the ball a couple of times when no one was looking.  And while it’s true I scored under 30 (28 to be precise), I didn’t do so well with the other 8 holes.
It’s a bit of an insult that they won’t supply Amanda with breakfast.  Does she have an overly voracious appetite?  Do they not realise how much energy we expend with all that kicking and cursing while we walk around the course?  I hope Amanda will be able to keep up with us after our plentiful breakfasting.  If she can’t keep up, I suggest we hide her unconscious body in the brambles and sell her clubs to the highest bidder.  We could then gorge ourselves even further the next morning at the table.  I’m thrilled to see that my breakfast is included in the price however, and I’ll try not to do you the disservice of attending the table naked like I did the last time I stayed out whilst on holidays.  In my fairness though, it was rather warm and my blood-alcohol levels were slightly higher than normal.  I do however still regret falling on the floor in the restaurant.  Which in itself isn’t so bad, but replace “falling” with “urinating”, and “floor” with “waiter”, and you’ll find the true source of my regret.
It will be terrific if you can book the tee times 90 days out.  90 days should be about enough time for me to make it right around the course, provided that bloody Amanda doesn’t slow us down too much in her weakened state.  Bring on December!
Yours with thanks,
Ryan Minster
I wonder if she’ll reply this time…
Aug 29th, 2013 | Posted in Life
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